Any relationship, personal or professional, can go off course. I can imagine you have been thinking: “Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a menu of different actions I can take to get a relationship back on track?” Well, you’re in luck! This menu of options starts with safer, more conservative options, leaving riskier and more drastic options for the end of the list. You’ll notice that here I’m focusing on interventions that you can take that require a minimal amount of cooperation from the other person. If you’re blessed to have an active partner in the relationship, someone who is genuinely trying to work things out with you, other options not on this menu will emerge.

Practice Serenity - Using meditation and prayer, simply practice radical acceptance of the relationship as it is, warts and all, without taking any overt action to intervene in the relationship
Study the Relationship - Actively reflect on the relationship, either on your own through writing in your journal, or in discussions with a trusted confidant, whether that is a friend, colleague, coach, or therapist. Do you need a confidential space to discuss the relationship with a skilled listener? I’m happy to help.
Listen - If you are able to put yourself into a neutral, observing state of mind, you can always profit by better understanding the other person’s point of view, even if you sharply disagree with them and see things differently. In addition to the benefits you will receive by better understanding the other person, you may also find that you bring out a better side of them because you are providing something that almost everyone hungers for – a listening ear.
Provide Positive Feedback - If you happen to notice someone doing something positive, you can increase the frequency of that behavior by offering positive feedback. Describe to them in vivid, concrete terms what they did well, and the positive impact it had. For greater impact, provide positive feedback as soon as possible after you observe the behavior that you liked.
Make a Request - It doesn’t hurt to ask, but it can be risky, because we risk having our request ignored or refused. On the other hand, it is a fact that a lot of relationships could be dramatically improved if both parties were able to make direct, explicit requests for change. To give your request the best chance of being granted, frame it in a way that makes it appealing to them. You’ll be better able to do this if you have paved the way by studying the relationship and actively listening to the person.
Provide Constructive Feedback - Constructive feedback is feedback that is designed to encourage the other person to stop negative behaviors, and start positive ones. Here you use the behavior + impact formula mentioned above to describe the harm that is resulting from a person’s current behavior. Then you shift to describing the positive behavior you would like to see, and the positive results you hope will obtain from it.
Describe a Fork in the Road - In this intervention, you’re pointing out the choices that the other person has, and what you will do as a result. For example, a supervisor could say “If you continue to come to work late, I will initiate the progressive discipline procedure. On the other hand, if you start coming to work on time, we can stop having these uncomfortable conversations and instead focus on the important work we’re trying to do here.” As harsh as it may sound, you’re actually providing an important predictability to the relationship, and making the stakes and the outcomes clear. Importantly, you’re preserving the other person’s autonomy, not trying to force them into one choice or another, just letting the person know what will happen as a result of their choices.
End the Relationship - It’s important to remember that this is always on the menu. For example, if someone is repeatedly abusive towards you, and if all of your earlier attempts to adjust the course of the relationship haven’t worked, it may be time to call it quits. It may be that releasing yourself from the relationship frees you to go to greener pastures, and may even serve the other person in ways that you can’t even imagine right now.

Making course corrections in a relationship is an interactive, experimental process. Accumulate small course corrections over time, and you may be surprised at how much the relationship changes for the better.

Have I forgotten any interventions? Have you tried any of these lately, and what was the result? Share in the comments below!