This is one in a series of articles about the Relationship Course Correction Menu
Several years ago, a manager I was coaching found himself in a frustrating dynamic with a colleague in another department. Every interaction felt tense. Emails were terse. Meetings felt guarded. He believed she was being unnecessarily difficult, and he was beginning to interpret her behavior as a sign of disrespect.
His instinct was to address the issue directly—to give constructive feedback or to name the tension explicitly. But after studying the relationship more closely, he realized something important: they had never established any real human connection. Every interaction had been purely transactional.
So instead of confronting the problem directly, he chose a different intervention. He invited her to lunch.
Not just any lunch. He had noticed, in passing, that she was passionate about trail running. He asked if she’d be willing to join him for a walk on a local trail during lunch, framing it as an opportunity to get outside and take a break from the office.
She accepted.
During that walk, something shifted. They talked about running, about how she had gotten into it, about the mental clarity it gave her. He listened with genuine curiosity. They also talked about their early career experiences, their families, and the pressures they were each navigating.
Nothing about their specific work conflict was discussed.
But afterward, everything about their working relationship became easier.
Her emails became warmer. Meetings became more collaborative. When disagreements arose, they navigated them with greater ease and mutual respect. The underlying technical issues hadn’t disappeared—but the relational foundation had changed. They were no longer strangers. They were allies.
Bonding works because it strengthens the emotional substrate of the relationship. It increases goodwill, trust, and psychological safety. These qualities make all other interventions—requests, feedback, problem-solving—more likely to succeed.
However, bonding must come from a genuine place. People are remarkably sensitive to motive. If someone senses that an invitation is merely a tactic to manipulate them or “butter them up,” it has the opposite effect. It undermines trust.
Authentic bonding communicates something deeper: I see you as a person. I am interested in what matters to you.
One of the most effective ways to signal this is to invite someone into an activity you know they enjoy. When you do this, you demonstrate attunement. You show that you’ve been paying attention. You reveal that your interest is grounded in real observation, not strategy alone.
Bonding is not a workaround. It is not a trick.
It is an investment in the relationship itself.
And sometimes, strengthening the bond is the most powerful intervention available.